Minsan, nagtataka na ako kung hanggang kailan kang magiging ganyan.

Kapag sinabi ko bang 'wala na akong feeling sa iyo', magbabago ba ang lahat at uumpisahan mo na akong tratuhin na tulad sa ibang tao?

Pag kausap mo ang lahat, ang saya-saya mo. Nakakahawa ang ngiti at tawa mo. Lumalabas ang pagka-sweet mo. Pero pag ako ang kausap mo, ang dating sa akin ng itsura mo ay para akong isang makasalanan. Para bang may ginawa akong matinding kamalian sa mundo.

Hindi kita masisisi dahil hanggang ngayon naiilang ka pa rin. Gusto ko lang maglabas ng hinanaing. Gusto ko lang sabihin to. Nakakalungkot kasi. Wala akong karapatang magalit... pero sana meron akong karapatan para malungkot.

Mahal na mahal kita. At yan ang dahilan kung bakit nasasaktan pa rin ako.

The thing that I've been trying not to do anymore

Tonight, I ran away crying again.

...Cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin' maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street...

- from The Script's 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved'

Ironically, I learned about the lyrics of this song from her.

Re-Introduction

Hello. My name is Irwin, and I am the original author of this blog. And as you would notice, yes, it's been more than 2 years since I last updated this place.

I have my reasons for coming back here. First of all, I wanted a place where I could vent out anything without people knowing. I could just easily talk about this with someone, or make a blog post in my Multiply account and let everyone know about it. But the thing is, I want a place such that when I put something here, I don't have to worry about people thinking whether this was too dramatic, or thinking that it's just for a good laugh to them, or people thinking negatively about me. Furthermore, I found Multiply to be too crowded for these kind of stuff.

So I have decided to put those things here, those posts that I can say something without worrying about anyone. I don't care if they get to read this or not - the point is, at least I was able to say the truth and what I feel. Melodramatic, I know. But this is this blog's new purpose.

It's not that I am hiding from anyone. I'm just afraid that if for example I posted it in my Multiply and said something stupid, they will get mad immediately. I know, the same thing can also happen here. But at least it's not too blatant. See where I'm going here?

I also want to dedicate this blog's re-introduction to her. Anne has been my new inspiration throughout this year, although she only knew what I feel for her after 7 months. A lot has happened since then.

So, here we go...

Hello o.o

Hi. Just wanted to say that I have moved to my Multiply account:

http://masamunedjinn.multiply.com

Everything is set to "for Everyone", so non-members can still view it (although commenting requires you to login to a Multiply account).

Late.

Screw the "prediction check" posts.

Go Cavs.

Status: Idle.

We're now going into the 11th week of the term, but I've been still unproductive lately.

Like a slut with AIDS.

I hate to admit it, but I am one lazy-ass bastard. MP's, project and system proposal, simulations. Hell, you could even count in my two failed quizzes in complex analysis. Call me "butaw". I'll take it.

Not that I do not want to do anything, though. I am trying hard, it's just I'm in the unlucky case of being the odd-man out and losing "skills" (programming skills, perhaps) at the same time.

My resources could be also a factor. I used to whine at myself last term about not being able to do a lot of things because of the "laptop mania", and also because our PC was down. The PC's back and running again. It now sports a 3GHz processor, but the memory... THE MEMORY... is breaking all hell loose. It's situation is so bad that I don't want to even emphasize it anymore. I can already sense you whispering the word "Palusot", so there's no need for me to continue.

Or maybe I'm just too distracted with the things that are going on lately. Hmm...

Living the Fantasy

A few months back, somebody asked me through an instant messenger, "Anong online game ang nilalaro mo ngayon?"

I answered back with "fantasy basketball!", which was enough for him to reply with "o_O".

Yes, this is my first time to join such. I was invited by some of my classmates in a Yahoo! fantasy basketball league that doesn't have to involve exhausting money on my wallet (Usually, my classmates have a "betting league" where they each put down money and the winner at the end of the season gets all the prize, I think).

The first league that I joined in got fucked up through rampant cheating (for example, the number 1-ranked team as of date has... prepare for this... Shawn Marion, Steve Nash, Amare Stoudemire, Dirk Nowitzki, Kevin Garnett and Agent Zero - all 6 All-Stars of them - IN A 16-TEAM LEAGUE).

So now I would like to share my team from the second, cleaner league. Though it's a big deal since there are only the four of us playing it right now (the others abandoned their team), I would like to share how much my team has improved.

During the drafting, I got to start on the 5th pick. I wasn't able to participate in the live draft, so I had to settle with the automatic drafting. After a few adjustments on my pre-draft ranking, I ended up with this:



Roughly four months later, after scouring the free agents and waivers list (purely pick-ups, no trades involved), enduring injuries, man-handling excess games played, and reading through analysis after analysis after analysis, I now have this:



It's a close fight for the four of us that are left playing in this league, with only 1 point on average separating each other. I am currently tied at the #1 spot, but a few mishaps from my team and the players of other teams get amazing statistics (say, Carlos Boozer gets 200 rebounds), the other guys rejoice.

----

PS. Pardon for the lack of creativity for the title. Living the Fantasy is the title of Rick Kamla's, a fantasy basketball analyst, column at NBA entertainment and on the NBA's website.

When sarcasm strikes

As if the "ice-candy kids" didn't have enough of my irritated presence, I had wrongly bursted out the remaining frustations... with my blockmates.

Everything seemed fine in last night's YM conference, until I noticed they have started using the voice function. Everyone can hear each other, except for me and another person in the conference.

Reading through the messages, I was literally saying each word that the question "What the fuck?" has.

It was all fine at first, thinking that "Ok, it has to be somewhere here in the options that will enable that function". I even asked a few people how I can hear the voice messages. I was scouring everything that the Preferences menu has, but to no avail.

So I gave up for a while and tried conversing with them the usual way of typing. Short messages later, they are all going "Hey, listen to this!". All they had in the conference window were just reactions.

Want my reaction? Here,

Status message: What the flying fuck is going on?

All of a sudden, I got disconnected. GOD, I NEEDED THAT. But I thought that wasn't ok. So I played cool, asked one of them to invite me again.

But it wasn't over.

"Salita naman!"

That question pissed me off a bit. So I asked them,

"Anong klaseng salita?"

It was a sarcastic question, obviously. I had to let them specify whether the salita they were referring to was by means of typing, or by a microphone.

I thought some might have noticed me already, so they are all mentioning a girl's name again. Sarcastically still...

me: sorry, wala akong mic
classmate: nde kailangan ng mic para umamin irwin
me: ahh
me: pwede palang mag-type dito?

And as they always say, adding salt to the wound...

classmate: may tao pa ba dito?
me: bawal mag-type

...

me: kala ko ba puro voice lang
me: kaya walang lumalabas dito?

Why, somebody did thought that there was something wrong going on in me!

classmate: ako at si sha lang ang may mic
classmate: nagpapatugtog si sha un lang

A few minutes later, they all left.

But before the conference ended, I had some final word:

me: I'm getting asleep just by looking.

Tough day, indeed.